Reframe The Way You Think About Pain

The other half of the hedonist’s philosophy is that of avoiding pain.

Suffering is seen as an evil and something to reduce as much as humanly possible.

This makes sense— nobody wants to hurt unnecessarily or go look for trouble when they could have just as easily had a pleasant or easy time.

But, again, it comes down to how we define pain and suffering.

It may not seem like suffering has any intrinsic value, but some examples can show us that sometimes “suffering” is not unnecessary, avoidable, or evil.

In fact, it’s very much a part of life and comes part and parcel with all the good things we want and appreciate.

Say you’re at the kitchen, cooking, and your hand happens to alight onto a hot surface.

If you weren’t capable of feeling pain in that instance, what do you think you’d do next? Nothing.

Your hand would still be comfortably resting on that surface while your skin gets burned off and damage to your deeper tissues fester.

Alternatively, being able to feel pain would have you jerking your hand away in a split second before you even got to mentally process that you had touched a hot surface.

Pain exists for a reason; it has immense survival value and, in many instances, serves to protect you.

Take, for another example, giving birth.

It’s almost always painful and unpleasant, but most new mothers would gladly do it again (and in fact deliberately repeat the experience despite knowing what it’s like).

This is because childbirth is a part of life and the means to an end that most mothers would believe is more than worth it.

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Consider an athlete or professional sportsman who is trying to improve their performance.

The aching muscles they feel in the morning, the occasional injury—are these pains to be avoided entirely? Are they evil? They could be, but then the whole endeavor has to be stopped, because discomfort and occasional injury are an unavoidable part of training.

In fact, every time you exercise, your muscles are torn in microscopic ways—but it’s this that allows them to rebuild again stronger.

To put it crudely, no pain no gain.

The closer you look, the more you see that pain and suffering are not a detraction from life, but an integral part of it.

Seeking comfort is one thing, but assuming that life should be nothing but comfort is closing off all the life paths that have a little pain and discomfort as part of the deal.

You could be comfortable and safe.

Or, you could live a fulfilled, meaningful life.

But you can’t have both at the same time! The latter has a price.

Holding the expectation for life to be easy is a recipe for disaster.

It either means that you won’t be prepared when trouble inevitably strikes, or that you only choose those actions that lead to a weak, unfulfilled, meaningless, and empty life—a life of unexplored horizons, undeveloped talents, and unfulfilled potential.

We don’t need to take everything so seriously and work ourselves hard with no joy or satisfaction.

Life is not meant to feel bad, certainly.

Rather, we can take a broader, subtler view of what it actually means to live a happy, good life, and act accordingly, knowing that the rough comes with the smooth, and that only those things we work for are ultimately worth anything.

So, how can we reframe suffering in a way that supports our improved self-discipline? Firstly, expect it.

Anticipate that sometimes you will feel scared, angry, tired, confused, hurt, or as though life is unfair.

Understand that somewhere along the line, something you care about will break, a plan you made in earnest will fail, and the unexpected could sweep in and change everything.

You are not doing this in a pessimistic way.

You are doing this in the same way as checking the forecast to see if you need to bring an umbrella.

There’s no point getting angry or upset about the possibility of bad things happening—all we can do is have knowledge and prepare.

We can also forgive ourselves when we make mistakes, and move on quickly instead of dwelling on what’s outside our scope of control.

Ethical hedonism is doing what you can to maximize happiness and joy, all the while knowing that pain and suffering do exist, and you can accept those, too, when they occur beyond your control.

Self-discipline is the commitment to knowing something is unpleasant, and pushing on anyway.

Too many people see hard work and struggle as a sign that they are on the wrong path, when it’s actually proof they are on the right path!