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From Sleepwalking to Self-Awareness: Life Lessons with Cary Prejean ***HIGHLIGHTS***
Discover Your Inner Satisfaction with Cary Prejean | The Science of Self Podcast
See the full conversation at https://youtu.be/9Eva0A2oKRI
In this episode of 'The Science of Self,' we welcome Cary Prejean, an experienced business consultant and CPA, to talk about personal satisfaction and growth. Cary shares his journey from the financial world to coaching business owners on doubling profits and structuring successful businesses. However, this episode is not just about business; it's about discovering what truly satisfies you in life. Cary explains the importance of defining satisfaction, being your authentic self, valuing environments where you're appreciated, and distinguishing the narratives that shape you. He provides valuable insights on living a fulfilling life filled with joy, gratitude, and ambition. Learn how to cultivate a mindset that empowers you to achieve personal and professional growth. Tune in to redefine your life's satisfaction!
00:00 Embrace Your True Self
00:37 Introduction to Our Guest: Cary Prejean
01:05 The Importance of Financial Literacy for Business Owners
02:39 Connecting Business Strategies to Personal Growth
02:56 Defining Satisfaction and Happiness
06:16 The Role of Coaches in Personal and Professional Development
09:37 Understanding Your Unique Value
14:28 Habits for a Rewarding Life
18:16 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Transcript
if you're a banana, don't try to be an orange.
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:You won't be a good orange.
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:you be a banana.
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:You're gonna attract people
who love bananas, right?
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:Until you define what is
satisfaction, what will satisfy
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:you, you will never be satisfied.
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:The lesson out of that is,
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:go where you're valued most.
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:Go to environments, go to
people where you're gonna be
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:in, you're gonna be valued most,
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:Russell Newton: Hello listeners and
welcome back to The Science of Self, where
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:you Improve your Life from the inside out.
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:We have a guest with
us today, Cary Prejean.
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:I'm not going to introduce our guest
today other than give a name and ask,
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:uh, him to introduce himself and tell
us what we should know about him.
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:Cary Prejean: Okay, that's, that'd be me.
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:I'm trying to keep it relatively short.
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:Background is in accounting.
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:CPA started consulting in 87 after
working for several companies.
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:And the big thing that got me going was
I noticed that business owners did not
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:know how to use their financial data.
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:They did not how to read
financial statements.
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:There were all very good at
possibilities and turning into revenue.
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:They were very bad at managing
a business, scaling a business,
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:building an organization, having
processes to run the business.
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:They all became, I guess
they worked for the business.
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:The business didn't work for them.
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:They couldn't take time off, et cetera.
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:Part of my, mission was to educate
business owners on how to quote, manage
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:by the numbers that they all talked about,
but really didn't know how to do it.
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:And the newer thing is they all,
everybody wants to take their
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:business to the next level.
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:And again, it's so tell
me what's the next level?
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:And it's more revenue.
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:Okay.
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:But.
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:So what I, the way I work with people
where I work with business owners is
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:we start with by helping them, and I
know this sounds like a bold claim,
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:but we double net profits in a year.
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:Secondly, we give you, we help
you structure your business
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:so that now the business works
for you rather than you for it.
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:The businesses run by processes.
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:We also get you actionable financial data
on a weekly basis so that you can manage
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:by the numbers and longer term, we help
you design your business into the future.
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:So that can be what's most beneficial
for you rather than the forces
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:of the market and government and
competitors and everything else
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:pushing your business somewhere
you probably don't want it to be.
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:Russell Newton: Alright, Cary so you're
a business coach and you double profits.
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:You deal with revenue and numbers
and all those, uh, very invaluable
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:things for a business owner.
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:But this is not a business
podcast, and our listeners are
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:not looking for business advice.
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:Of course, they're looking
for personal growth advice.
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:So when my listener says, before they
tune out, what does this mean for me?
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:What does this interview have for me?
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:Can you draw some lines, draw
some connections there for us?
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:Cary Prejean: People walk through
life sleepwalking actually with this
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:narrative of, if only my life were
more better or different, I'd be happy.
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:But they never take the time to ref,
define what is more, better or different.
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:It's oh, I wish I made more money.
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:And also they refer to happiness.
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:Like it's this thing that's out there that
hopefully will find them somewhat someday.
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:And happy is a very temporary
emotion that's about, I'm happy
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:because I assess this positive
self is happening to me right now.
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:what I point to is something
that's more lasting.
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:My question is, what is
going to satisfy you?
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:by satisfy, satisfaction.
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:Lemme put this place.
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:Satisfaction is defined
by what is enough action.
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:So if you're saying you want more, better,
different, more, better, different what?
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:You want more money, how much more?
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:And if you just want more
income, here's 10 bucks.
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:You happy?
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:You satisfied?
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:No.
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:Okay, so define the number and here's
a, here's something I learned a long
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:time ago from one of my mentors.
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:Until you define what is
satisfaction, what will satisfy
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:you, you will never be satisfied.
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:You'll always have that, if following
my life will be or different, and
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:most people spend about maybe five
minutes thinking about what do I want?
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:What do I want outta my life?
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:I.
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:than just, I get a job, I go to
work, I come home, drink a six pack,
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:watch some tube, go to sleep and
do it all over again, and, pray for
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:the weekends so I can do even less.
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:There's no, for me anyway,
there's no satisfaction to that.
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:I would be depressed.
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:I would be resigned and resentful.
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:And that's what most of these people are
resign and resentful and they're just flow
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:through the motions, just trying to get to
the weekends because again there's that,
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:and there's nothing I can do about it.
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:That the cement of everything.
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:So when you begin to live in
different conversations, you
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:get to live in different moods.
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:the ambition, gratitude, joy,
peace, and you have all these
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:now your world is wide open.
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:a much, you're a much happier person.
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:If you are living in gratitude, joy,
and peace, you're going to be happy.
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:of the time.
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:And if you live in ambition where
you, there's all these possibilities.
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:Ambition is about what's possible
and, oh, that's possible.
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:That's possible.
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:Now you can begin to take
action towards what, define
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:what is your satisfaction first.
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:Then you can begin taking
action to attain all that.
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:The, is any of this making sense?
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:Russell Newton: Absolutely.
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:Yes.
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:Uh, there's so much in here I want,
I'm making notes to get back to.
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:But yeah, the it's making perfect sense.
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:Cary Prejean: So for your listeners,
if you're feeling stuck, if you
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:are unhappy with life, if you're
in a relationship that doesn't
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:work, begin to define what actions.
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:And again, in relationships you can't.
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:One of your things of satisfaction is
the other person can't make you happy.
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:The other person can't make you sad.
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:They can invite you to suffer.
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:But they can't.
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:Happy and sadness and anger,
that's all self-generated.
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:And it's all because
something gets triggered.
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:And your discourse, your interpretations
of the world, your perspective tells you,
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:be happy, be mad, be sad, be something.
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:Your narrative is dictating how you react.
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:Your narrative has been gaining,
gathering evidence all your
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:life to prove that it's right.
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:And when you go to interrupt
that and change it, like no.
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:What you just, you try something
different and it doesn't work.
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:See, I told you I told
you it's gonna fail.
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:You are unlovable, you are stupid,
you are whatever, so really
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:lemme put it this way, why do the
world's best athletes have coaches?
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:Because you can't see yourself in
the performance of what you're doing.
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:You can't see yourself.
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:Michael Jordan, as great as he was,
could not see himself on the court.
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:Now you can see films after it
takes a coach that can tell you just
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:little distinctions about, make this
distinction, try this, try that.
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:And next thing you know
your game is up, is upped.
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:just a little bit, but a lot.
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:It's those, the fun of the distinction,
generally, the more powerful they are.
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:Also, the coach should have been
around longer than you and knows
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:different strategies and how to
use them in playing the game.
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:Now again, the coach doesn't
play the game, right?
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:The coach is there to help you up your
game level and come together as a team.
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:And again, like the of reading something,
it was yesterday and they're talking about
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:these really championship sport teams,
you can buy all the best talent around.
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:It's still gonna take that team probably
three to four years, five years maybe,
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:to really gel together as a team.
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:if you bring in a whole
bunch of superstars.
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:You got a whole bunch of egos that
have to learn to work together.
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:So again, this work is very rewarding.
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:But it takes time.
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:It takes a coach and it takes really
becoming a lot more self-aware
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:about who you are and the narrative
that you live by that drives you
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:to experience life the way you do.
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:So if you want a much more
rewarding, world, rewarding
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:experience of life, it's available.
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:You just have to live with
that interpretation that yes,
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:it's all these possibilities.
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:Yes, I'm happy for, I'm
grateful for everything I have.
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:I'm at peace with, okay, I'm 70 years old.
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:I'm a male, I'm married,
I'm a grandfather.
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:All the facts of my life.
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:I accept all of that.
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:That's who I am.
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:There's some peace that comes with that.
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:the joy of, yes, I'm here.
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:I've been, in my life
has got me to right here.
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:This is still what's possible.
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:And there's a lot of
joy about that, right?
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:There was a guy who, a man
who gave his son a, an antique
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:automobile when he turned 18.
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:And he told the son, he said, look,
take it different places around town.
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:Find out what they'll give you for it.
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:Don't sell it.
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:Find out what they gave for you.
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:So he goes to a new dealer a used car
lot, and he, they offered him 500.
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:So he goes to a new dealership,
new car dealership, and they offer
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:him a thousand as a trade in.
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:Right incentive to buy.
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:He went to an antique car dealer
and they offered him 5,000.
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:He goes to a car club that specialized
in that make model and car.
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:Somebody offered him 30 grand.
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:So the lesson out of that is,
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:how do you wanna say it?
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:Go where you're valued most.
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:Go to environments, go to people
where you're gonna be in, in,
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:you're gonna be valued most, nothing
changed about the car, it's just the
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:perceived value when those who saw it.
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:So
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:that was supposed to leave me somewhere
about having different conversations.
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:You're so what you need to, you
have to be clear about money.
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:Money was, yeah, that was the thing.
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:So what is money?
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:Most people think money is the green
paper we find in our wallets, or the
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:digital digits in our bank accounts.
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:Those are artifacts.
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:Yeah, what is money for human
beings money or is a promise?
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:So people who acquire wealth acquire
a whole bunch of promises that they
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:can offer to buy what they want.
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:Russell Newton: Okay.
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:Cary Prejean: If you look at
a tree line, in the distance,
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:what tree are you gonna notice?
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:Pretty much to me, the tree
that's calling and the rest
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:Russell Newton: A different one?
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:Yeah,
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:Cary Prejean: yeah, the different one,
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:Russell Newton: I.
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:Cary Prejean: Everything
else just looks the same.
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:So you don't want to be in a marketplace
where you look like everybody else.
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:need to find out what is your special
sauce as they say that people are gonna
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:want to be a path to your door, you're
not gonna figure it out in a weekend..
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:In other words, what is special
about you as a human being?
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:What is your offer to the world?
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:And also be clear, you are not
going to attract everybody.
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:That's I've said in classes I've taught
about using the ontology of languages,
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:half the world thinks you're an asshole.
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:I don't care who you are because of
your age, 'cause of your sex, because
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:the way you come from, because of
the religion, you practice the way
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:you look something, half the world's
gonna think, ah, but the other half
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:of the world, what is it about you?
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:That is if you can be your
authentic self, right?
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:And I know that gets tossed around.
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:And what is a authentic self?
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:If you can be who you really are,
you're going to attract certain people.
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:They're gonna be attracted to who you are.
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:They're gonna be attracted to your
discourse, attracted to your conversation.
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:They're gonna attracted, they're
gonna be attracted to you being you.
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:Now this goes back in the seventies,
but I read a book by Leo Lus Scalia.
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:I dunno if anybody knows him,
thing was, if you're a banana,
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:don't try to be an orange.
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:You won't be a good orange.
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:So people who like oranges won't
like you and people who like bananas
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:because you're trying to be an orange,
aren't gonna like you be a banana.
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:You're gonna attract people
who love bananas, right?
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:Again, in terms of your personal offer
to the world is be your authentic self.
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:But you need to be real clear.
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:Who is that?
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:A again, it comes down to
who are you in the world?
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:What is your offer?
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:Not just what can you get from
people, you're not trying to sell
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:anybody anything, but what is
your, what are your interests?
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:What do you do?
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:What, why would somebody
wanna spend time with you
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:and you're not, again, you're not
gonna answer that in a weekend.
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:Russell Newton: Exactly.
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:Cary Prejean: some time.
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:Russell Newton: A person can't be
themselves until they get rid of those
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:false perceptions and the false lens
that they put on the world, as you
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:mentioned, that were presented to us
in our early life as children, uh,
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:that color everything that we do.
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:But you made an interesting point that
that narrative continues to change as I.
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:Go through life.
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:My personality, a person's
personality, I believe is, is
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:set for the most part early,
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:But there can be changes.
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:I.
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:Cary Prejean: Yeah I agree.
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:General temperament is probably at birth,
everything that happens to it afterwards,
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:comes from where you grew up, the people
surrounding you, where you grew up,
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:your parents socioeconomic background,
what you're exposed to, all that stuff.
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:It all accumulates and
you begin developing some.
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:about the world early on, and
then you spend the rest of your
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:life gathering evidence that
those assessments are correct.
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:The problem is we forget,
they're just assessments.
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:It's just a story we told ourselves.
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:We hold them like they're the truth.
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:Not just the truth, but the truth in
capital letters, and that those are
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:generally the places, especially the
ones we hold very dear to our hearts.
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:Those are the places where
people usually suffer.
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:Those are the ones that
become dysfunctional or
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:disempowering, for people.
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:So it's a, it's being able, and the
reason it's work is so hard sometimes
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:is because it's because they're so
sacrosanct, oh my God, no, I can't
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:examine, I can't examine this one.
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:This one's too precious.
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:It's too much meat.
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:They can all be, they can all be examined.
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:Russell Newton: that's great.
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:What is this person's special offer?
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:I was taught through, well, really through
high school, every person knows something.
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:I don't know.
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:Therefore, every person, uh, can be
my teacher and I need to seek out
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:that thing within them that they know
and, and learn something from them.
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:Ties in what is this
person's special offer?
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:I like that the, the phrasing of that,
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:Cary Prejean: Yeah, no, absolutely.
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:There's something to learn from everybody.
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:And we as Americans always want
like the drive through answer.
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:Just tell me the answer.
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:I don't have
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:Russell Newton: Right.
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:Cary Prejean: do all this work and
like study and actually learn it.
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:Learn it, tell me the answer.
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:And it's in that kind of a mood
that's an arrogant, already know
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:everything, just gimme the answer.
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:That we cheat ourselves out of all
kinds of learning and life experiences
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:and really discovering other people.
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:Russell Newton: If you were
going to list a couple of seven
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:habits of what, of yourself or
other highly successful people?
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:What might those be that a
younger individual should look to
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:incorporate into their, into their
lives on a daily, regular basis?
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:And then what final piece of advice
would you give to our listeners
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:to, to maybe sum up or maybe expand
the conversations that we've had?
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:Cary Prejean: Yeah.
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:I don't know if I have seven.
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:Russell Newton: No, no, that's fine.
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:Cary Prejean: yeah.
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:Russell Newton: Two or
three, whatever you have.
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:Cary Prejean: yeah, one of
the things I always, I really.
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:How you get people focused on is
what it's gonna to satisfy you.
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:is the enough action?
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:What domain of action?
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:And 37 years ago, one of my ma, my
major mentor outside of my father
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:said, do you wanna things life?
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:I said, yeah.
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:He goes, being ultimately satisfied,
getting exactly what you want.
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:I said, man, that's great.
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:He goes, you know how to get it.
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:You ask what you want.
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:yeah, but before that he
says, know what you want.
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:If you don't know what you want
and anything will do, you'll
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:probably never be satisfied.
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:In fact, if you don't declare again,
if you don't declare satisfaction,
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:you will never be satisfied.
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:So take some time.
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:It's not gonna be easy.
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:It's not gonna be quick.
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:Always be asking yourself,
what would satisfy me?
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:What would be enough action
here I would, I would get it.
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:Again, so every.
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:Part of your life requires that kind of
reflection, whether it's your hobbies,
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:your body, your relationship, your money,
your job, your career, all of that.
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:So that's one place.
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:It's always focusing on satisfaction.
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:It leads to a much more rewarding life.
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:other thing would be to
practice what I call acceptance.
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:And I'm talking about acceptance of what's
like what are the facts of your life?
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:I went through a short list of mine.
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:What are the facts of your life?
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:Have you, whatever they are, especially
the ones you're not comfortable with.
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:The ones you don't like, I know
one guy, he was like I'm too short.
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:Too short for what?
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:Too short for life, I want
to, I wanna play basketball.
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:It's always been too short, and
you part, there's this one pro
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:guy named, what's it called?
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:Spud.
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:could actually
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:Russell Newton: Web.
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:Cary Prejean: Yeah.
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:I think the guy could actually dunk.
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:I said,
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:Russell Newton: Mm-hmm.
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:Cary Prejean: Maybe you let that
limited conversation, I'm too short
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:stop you from playing basketball
more and actually learn some skills.
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:They have people who are, short
for the NBA who've made it.
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:So at the same time, don't beat
yourself up that, oh, I live by now.
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:Just be okay with I'm short, I
am five five, or whatever it was.
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:And I'm equipped for living.
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:Practicing what's so about yourself
as well as what's possible.
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:practicing that acceptance and what's
possible is what's gonna generate
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:the ambition, the excitement, the
wanting to get up in the morning,
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:the wanting to take more action.
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:I.
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:But the, if you want the peace and the
joy and the gratitude, practicing that,
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:it's acceptance of what's so about you.
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:Like what, how's that thing go?
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:gratitude is not one of the things
you have, it's having the, no, it's
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:not wanting to have different things.
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:I forget how it goes, but instead of
just warning what you don't have, be
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:grateful what you do have, basically,
'cause it can all get taken away.
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:All of it.
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:So yeah, practicing acceptance,
practicing that will allow you to practice
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:gratitude, peace, joy, and ambition.
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:The other thing is
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:and I say this all the time, what we
get paid for, what we get rewarded
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:for in life is the results we produce.
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:What most people live by
is the reasons why not.
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:So which one are you gonna,
which one are you gonna work on?
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:Producing results that
you say you're gonna do?
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:You're gonna have all the
reasons why you couldn't do it.
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:'cause nobody wants to pay for reasons
why not, or set a different way.
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:Are you committed to your commitments?
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:Are you committed to your reasons?
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:Russell Newton: Alright, great.
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:Alright listeners, thanks
for joining us today.
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:We appreciate it.
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:Thanks to our guest, Cary Prejean.
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:Thanks for being with us.
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:Listeners, be sure to check
out those resources online
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:and we'll see you next week.