From “Comfort Zone” To “Growth Zone”

Speaker: 00:00:00

hello, listeners buckle up for a new episode of the science of self where you learn to improve your life from the inside out. today we pull from Peter Holland's new book The lifelong learner it contends that Humans have a startling tendency to gravitate toward the mundane, the monotonous, and the known. It's very easy for us to get stuck in a rut. If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves years into a job or a relationship that we loathe simply because it's comfortable. Comfort zones litter all aspects of our lives, but what exactly do they entail?

Speaker: 00:00:52

he term "comfort zone" in her: 1991

Speaker: 00:01:30

It’s familiar, safe, and secure. The fear zone is the space just outside your house, where you feel a bit anxious and uncertain. Stepping outside of your house and out into the fear zone can be scary, but it's also how you will tackle new challenges, continuously learn new skills, and get things done. As the fear zone is daunting and scary, it's natural to be a little anxious. But if you persevere and push through, you'll enter the learning zone.

Speaker: 00:02:05

This is where your skills will blossom and obstacles will become opportunities for growth. When it comes to lifelong learning, having the courage to leave your comfort zone can open up new possibilities and opportunities. Stepping outside of our normal routines enables us to look at things with a different perspective and gain new insights, making us more flexible in both our thinking and approach to new situations. Embracing the unfamiliar terrain of leaving our comfort zones also helps us build confidence and strengthen our resilience so that we can continue growing and learning for the rest of our lives. Eventually, this newfound knowledge learned means your comfort zone has expanded even further!

Speaker: 00:02:55

nal growth (Leberman, Martin,: 2002

Speaker: 00:03:28

ourselves. Abraham Maslow's (: 1943

Speaker: 00:04:06

e life's difficulties (Dweck,: 2015

Speaker: 00:04:49

r learning and growth (Dweck,: 1999

Speaker: 00:05:18

faced with adversity (Taleb,: 2012

Speaker: 00:05:52

and antifragility (Williams,: 2022

Speaker: 00:06:48

However, by acknowledging these psychological roadblocks, we can begin to overcome them and take steps toward leaving our comfort zones. Use the 3 Cs to Achieve Escape Velocity In his research, Molinsky discovered three techniques that people utilize to successfully venture outside of their comfort zones. He refers to these essential tools as the three Cs: conviction, customization, and clarity. Have you ever eaten a meal that was bland and unappealing until someone added a special ingredient that completely transformed it? Strong convictions are the secret ingredient of life.

Speaker: 00:07:33

They are your core beliefs, such as altruism, generosity, gratitude, integrity, accountability, and perseverance. They are the qualities that give you a distinct spark and make you stand out. When you're certain that what you do and say matters and that what you provide is valuable to you and others, your energy transforms and you become persuasive and resilient. It provides you with a sense of security and allows you to focus on performing your best work since you know that everything you are doing matters to you. Our minds are programmed to fearfully overreact to uncertainty.

Speaker: 00:08:19

As uncertainty grows, the brain transfers control to the limbic system, which is where emotions like anxiety and fear are generated. If you are somebody with strong convictions, you don't give up when things get difficult. You're willing to take a bullet for the sake of your beliefs. You stand by them, never shifting blame. You might have observed some of these qualities in strong leaders.

Speaker: 00:08:45

Their strong convictions can encourage others to publicly speak up and share their perspectives, even if what they say is difficult to hear. According to Molinsky, the key to conquering your fears is to first develop a deep sense of your core values and beliefs. Without a sense of these, it’s all too easy to talk yourself out of taking risks. Once you have conviction, however, the fear becomes manageable and you can start to take small steps outside your comfort zone. With each small success, you’ll build confidence and eventually be able to take on bigger challenges.

Speaker: 00:09:27

Using the Three Cs: Conviction A sense of conviction is important in many aspects of life. It can be the difference between success and failure, between happiness and misery. And yet, it is often difficult to develop a strong sense of conviction. So, how can we go about developing this core strength? Here are a few ideas.

Speaker: 00:09:51

First and foremost, it is important to have a clear understanding of what you believe in. What are your core values? What do you stand for? What is it that you aim to achieve by making this arduous journey outside your comfort zone? Once you have a good understanding of your own beliefs, it will be easier to stand up for them.

Speaker: 00:10:15

Let’s illustrate this with an example. Meet Barbara. She’s a twenty-six-year-old about to embark on her first volunteer mission into a war-torn zone. Being an introvert, this task is very much out of Barbara’s comfort zone. It is going to require a lot of energy and extra mental effort on her part, but she plans to proceed anyway.

Speaker: 00:10:41

How did Barbara come to this unwavering sense of purpose? Everyone has opinions and preferences, but a strong believer like Barbara does not develop their beliefs solely on their own desires or for their own benefit. A person who has strong personal convictions has considered the issues and the challenges, but instead of letting them hinder their growth, they see them as paths leading toward a purposeful life. They possess a growth mindset. Barbara knows that ultimately she will end up making life-altering changes in people’s lives and shower love where there is none.

Speaker: 00:11:23

This conviction helps her stay grounded and expand her comfort zone more than ever before. Her comfort zone simply does not matter in the pursuit of her greater purpose and furthering her conviction. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be a daunting prospect, but it is essential for personal growth, particularly when it comes to developing a strong sense of conviction. Taking risks and embracing uncertainty not only encourages Barbara to push the boundaries of her comfort zone, it also helps her strengthen her core beliefs and values. Being willing to explore unknown territories can ultimately lead to greater self-confidence in your convictions and an understanding that feeling uncomfortable at first doesn't necessarily mean something will end poorly.

Speaker: 00:12:16

Rather, it can provide valuable insight that creates positive opportunities beyond what was previously thought possible. Going into a war zone is not an easy decision and certainly not one you concoct within a span of a single night. Even going on a small casual vacation requires rigorous research and planning. Considering all perspectives, being open-minded, and welcoming cultures and customs different from our own require strength. Only if you are certain of your beliefs, goals, and grand purpose in life will you be able to develop an unwavering sense of conviction.

Speaker: 00:12:58

Barbara knows what she wants. Do you? Most of us have been in a situation where we question whether we made the right choice. It can be agonizing, second-guessing ourselves and wondering if we would have been better off choosing a different path. Uncertainty like this can be paralyzing, preventing us from making any decisions at all and making us lack conviction in anything we do.

Speaker: 00:13:25

The key is to learn to trust your instincts and follow your convictions. When you make a decision from a place of deep faith, you are more likely to stick with it even when things get tough. Ultimately this is what will help you stay firmly planted in your growth zone while aiding you in remaining positive and hopeful for future challenges. Additionally, it is very important to be prepared to face opposition. There will always be people who disagree with you, but if you are prepared for that opposition, it will be much easier to stay true to your convictions.

Speaker: 00:14:05

It's critical to have personal convictions so we can resist being influenced by others' opinions or blindly following them. Someone without strong personal convictions will be unsure of themselves, uncertain, and susceptible to being misled. It takes someone with strong moral convictions to stand up and declare "no" when the crowd chants, "Let's all be haters." Developing a strong sense of conviction is not easy, but it is definitely worth the effort. By taking the time to understand your own beliefs and values, by exposing yourself to new ideas, and by preparing for opposition, you can develop the inner strength that you need to stand up for what you believe in and forever flourish within your growth zone.

Speaker: 00:15:00

Using the Three Cs: Customization In the world of fashion, customization is a process that allows you to take an existing piece of clothing and make it your own. You can add your own personal touches to it, like a special pocket for your cell phone, or you can completely change the look of it by adding a new collar or a sleeve. It’s all about making the clothes you wear reflect your unique personality. And with so many different options to choose from, you're sure to find the perfect way to make your clothing truly yours. Molinsky’s customization refers to our ability to successfully adapt our behavior to our environments without losing ourselves in the process.

Speaker: 00:15:48

Think of it as “fitting in” without completely “giving in." You’re still you, just slightly altered (e.g., wearing your power suit, carrying your lucky charm, having some makeup on, wearing your favorite perfume, or arriving before everybody else on the day of your big speech) to trick yourself into feeling at home and to seamlessly blend into your environment. Whatever it is that we are doing or planning that requires us leaving our comfort zones can be altered, tweaked, or modified in a way that makes it feel more comfortable and natural and truly your own. Whenever faced with a situation that requires you to step out of your comfort zone, try arranging the furniture in a way that brings you joy. For example, it’s your wedding day and everything seems to be getting on your nerves.

Speaker: 00:16:44

Getting the venue decorated and arranged in a way that brings you some semblance of normalcy and familiarity can help you get through the ceremony without having a breakdown. Pick out some of your favorite snacks as treats, or display photos with positive memories. These things can help you build an environment that reflects your personality and lifts your mood, making you feel more comfortable. It doesn't have to be expensive or complicated; sometimes the simplest acts of self-care can make all the difference. Even something as simple as lighting a scented candle when you’re inviting your significant other to your home for the first time, playing some music you enjoy, or wearing clothes that make you feel confident can help prepare you for whatever big challenge lies ahead.

Speaker: 00:17:36

You can follow these guidelines and adapt them to whatever situation makes you want to run for the door. Learning to adopt our behaviors to situations and surroundings can help us feel like we are within our own personal comfort zones. Depending on your situation, here are some tips and tricks that you can glean inspiration from. Let’s say that you’re deeply uncomfortable with walking into events with lots of people just staring at you as you walk by. Or you’re uncomfortable walking into a classroom full of students with all eyes on you.

Speaker: 00:18:12

Social anxiety can be really debilitating and can stop people from wanting to leave their comfort zones. What I do in those situations is go earlier than everyone else. In college, I used to be the first person to enter the class and usually the last person to leave. This is a great way to reduce some of the anxiety you face in social situations and make the classroom feel like your own apartment—all comfortable and cozy. This is how I would customize my behavior to make what would otherwise be my fear zone feel like my personal comfort zone. You know that feeling when you put on a really great outfit and you just feel like you can take on the world? Like you can conquer anything that comes your way? That's the feeling you get when you wear your power suit. Your power suit is the one that makes you feel strong and capable and ready to take on whatever the day throws at you. It's the one that gives you the confidence to walk into a room full of people and hold your head up high.

Speaker: 00:19:20

It's the one that makes you feel like you can achieve anything. So, when you put on your power suit, you are essentially putting on confidence, strength, and power. This is going to make that presentation feel just a bit more comfortable and natural so that you can make the leap into your fear zone without overwhelming your sympathetic nervous system too much. Molinsky suggests that by donning your power suit, you are customizing your behavior, and that is going to help your feet stay firmly planted within the growth zone. It’ll be that anchor grounding you when all you want to do is run away.

Speaker: 00:20:05

ting or event (Carney et al.,: 2010

Speaker: 00:20:39

The idea is that by taking up more space, we trick our brains into feeling more powerful. And when we feel more powerful, we're more likely to perform well in the meeting. This is a great example of customizing your behavior (assuming a power pose) in order to make a situation (meeting) a little more comfortable and a little less daunting, more likely allowing you to perform well. So the next time you're feeling nervous before an important event, try striking a power pose for a few minutes. It just might help you ace that presentation!

Speaker: 00:21:19

Do you ever feel like you're just not having any luck? Like no matter what you do, things just don't seem to go your way? Well, maybe it's time to try carrying a lucky charm in your pocket. Now, I know what you're thinking. How can carrying a little trinket in your pocket possibly affect your luck?

Speaker: 00:21:37

But hear me out. Just by having that little bit of positive energy with you throughout the day, you might be surprised at how things start to change. You might find yourself winning more arguments, getting picked for that big project at work, or finally landing that date with that cute person who has intrigued you. By carrying that little trinket, you are again customizing your behavior to make all these situations a little more comfortable and a little less daunting. So next time you're feeling down on your luck, why not give it a try?

Speaker: 00:22:12

Who knows, maybe that little charm will be exactly what you need to turn things around. Remember, your mindset is just as important as the physical actions you take to leave your comfort zone. If you do not have a positive, open-to-growth mindset, then you’re likely to fall back into your comfort zone quickly. Consistent little healthy habits like these will help you hold on to hope and let go of your fears. Using the Three Cs: Clarity Clarity is gaining an objective, logical viewpoint of the difficulties you are facing.

Speaker: 00:22:56

In other words, it's resisting the skewed and exaggerated thinking that so many of us do when faced with really stressful circumstances. For example, thinking that, “I’ll never be able to submit this before the deadline!” without fully analyzing your situation (how much time you have left, how much progress you have already made) will let your anxiety about the challenge overwhelm you and keep you from ever leaving your comfort zone. positively and eliminating negative thoughts can really improve clarity in our lives. Psychotherapist Tori Rodriguez says that acknowledging and challenging negative thoughts can lead to greater clarity and understanding of life. When you choose to focus on the positive, the intangible obstacles that stand between you and true understanding of a situation start to melt away.

Speaker: 00:23:55

You become more mindful, open yourself up to new ideas, and realize what it is you actually want from life. This has great implications for lifelong learning, as this positive outlook on life drives you to be consistent in your pursuit of knowledge and learning new skills. Destructive ruminations only serve to discourage us further, so if we remove these thoughts, we can find a renewed sense of purpose and hopefully clarity in our daily lives. Without understanding a situation, it's nearly impossible to truly learn anything from it. It's like having a jigsaw puzzle without the picture on it; you may have all the pieces but won't know how to put them together until you can see the bigger picture.

Speaker: 00:24:45

To truly be successful in life, whether it's at work, school, or relationships, it helps to have a good understanding of ourselves and of the world around us. This true understanding of life allows us to maintain lifelong learning while enjoying the journey along the way. That's the only way you can properly apply the knowledge and, most importantly, retain it for future use. It's like a domino effect; if the handling of one piece of information is not clear to you from the start, then your comprehension of subsequent pieces of related material is hampered as well. Without clarity, there can be little understanding of anything!

Speaker: 00:25:28

So, how do we start to challenge our negative thoughts and gain clarity over difficult situations? You need to start by looking at life’s problems from a logical perspective, which can be key in finding a resolution. Such an outlook allows for a clearer understanding and for focusing on each individual issue as something to be understood and solved rather than simply accepted as inevitable or something too overwhelming to tackle. Begin by incorporating mindfulness into your routine. It can help you view a situation or circumstance with a fresh perspective, allowing for more positive reflections and meaningful solutions to surface.

Speaker: 00:26:16

Focus on slowly taking deep breaths and counting backward from ten. Count five things you can see, touch, and smell. This can help clear the mind and provide much-needed emotional grounding when faced with a difficult situation. Additionally, pay attention to your body’s physical reaction to stress, as it can help you separate what you're feeling in the present moment from any irrational reactions or beliefs that may be contributing to the situation. Not only does looking at things this way keep your emotions in check, but it also opens the door to creative solutions that would not be immediately seen by simply reacting emotionally or attempting to avoid issues entirely.

Speaker: 00:27:08

Follow up by learning how to identify and dissect your distorted thoughts, as this is one of the main challenges you are going to face within the learning zone. We all have irrational thoughts or beliefs from time to time. Especially when it involves venturing into the fear zone and leaving what is known behind. Maybe you're convinced that your boss is out to get you, or that you're not good enough for that new job, so you’re not even going to try anyway. Irrational thoughts can be frustrating and even overwhelming when we are in the process of learning something new, but there are ways to deal with them.

Speaker: 00:27:49

The first thing that you need to do is simply acknowledge the thought and then let it go. For example, if you're thinking, "I'm not good enough," you can say to yourself, "I acknowledge that I'm feeling insecure right now, but I'm going to let that thought go." Other approaches include challenging the thought (e.g., "Is there evidence to support this?") or reframing it in a more positive light (e.g., "I'm feeling scared right now, but that's okay"), which can help us gain clarity and perspective. Distorted thinking that results from a lack of clarity can also lead to frequent Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). ANTs are, simply put, the negative thoughts that pop into our head automatically and unwantedly.

Speaker: 00:28:43

We all have them from time to time (especially when outside of our comfort zones), but some of us get stuck in a cycle of ANTs, which can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. ANTs usually take the form of "should" statements. For example, "I should be thinner," "I should be better at this or smarter," or "I shouldn't have said that." They often involve beating yourself up for past mistakes or feeling like you're not good enough. Again, you need to acknowledge the thought (“I should be better at this”), then reframe it (“I am having the thought that I am not good enough for this task; I acknowledge that I am feeling insecure, but that is okay.

Speaker: 00:29:29

Everyone feels inadequate at some point in their life”) and then start to look for evidence for and against it. This can help to break the cycle and give you a more realistic outlook on things and help you gain clarity. You can see how those kinds of thoughts could make you feel helpless and confine you to your comfort zones. Therefore, you must first acknowledge that you are thinking irrationally before you can gain clarity. One other way to gain clarity over our negative thoughts is to practice self-reflection and examine our thoughts from an objective point of view.

Speaker: 00:30:11

Questioning why we feel the way we do and becoming aware of potential distortions in our reasoning can also help us become more aware of our thought processes. Start by writing down your negative thoughts on a piece of paper and then drop them in an empty jar. Come back after a few days and read all the scrambled thoughts in there. Try asking yourself, “How do I feel about this now?” as you read through each one. Writing down negative thoughts or talking through them with a trusted friend or therapist are additional strategies that may help us develop healthier ways of engaging with our thought patterns.

Speaker: 00:30:54

Sometimes it’s hard for us to recognize evidence contrary to our negative thoughts ourselves. Talking to someone else can help alleviate some of the anxiety we feel that comes with leaving our comfort zones. Distorted thinking often distorts how individuals interpret the world around them, and this can have an impact on learning. For example, if someone believes they're not intelligent or capable of succeeding, this thought process can lead to behaviors that hinder learning opportunities. This could manifest as avoidance of challenging classes or activities, skipping school or homework assignments based on false beliefs about intelligence, or other self-sabotaging behaviors.

Speaker: 00:31:41

It's important for those suffering from distorted thinking to be aware of these cognitive distortions and actively challenge their beliefs to succeed as lifelong learners. So now we understand that staying in a comfort zone guarantees that you’ll always be winning at life. There are no dragons to slay and no anxiety to make you want to hurl. For most people, it’s the fear of failure that makes them want to stay put in their entirely risk-free comfort zones. But we now know that if you want to be anything worthwhile in life, you gotta break out of that cage.

Speaker: 00:32:21

Venturing out into the fear zone and then subsequently into the learning zone can be scary, but fret not! For now, we move on to ways you can conquer that fear and forever thrive in the learning zone. you've reached the end of another episode of the science of self connect with us at newtoneng.com and don't forget to connect with the author and sign up for his newsletter at bitly slash Peter Hollens see you next Thursday for our next episode from the science of self