A Completely Rational Fear Of Failure

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[Music] I'm Russell and this is the science of self where you learn to improve your life from the inside out thanks for joining us today is March 30th. your comfort zone and facing new challenges will sometimes guarantee failure however it is important to remember every failure is an opportunity for us to learn and grow from his book lifelong learner let's hear more on the topic from Peter Hollins [Music] "So, what do you think?" asked her best friend, Emma. They were both perched on the edge of Emma's bed, looking at their laptops. "I don't know," Emma said slowly.

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"It just feels like a lot of work." Ada grinned. "Exactly! it were easy, everyone would do it." She leaned back against the headboard and tossed her long hair over her shoulder.

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"Failure is a strength," she continued in a confident voice. "It means you're learning something new." Emma stared at her for a moment before shaking her head and returning to her laptop screen. "Failure is a weakness and it means you can’t do anything," she muttered under her breath. We all view failures with our own unique perspectives and life-colored lens.

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People with a fixed mindset, such as Emma, believe that their abilities and intelligence are static. In contrast, people with a growth mindset, such as Ada, believe that their abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. They see failures as opportunities toward lifelong learning and growth, and they are more likely to take risks and persevere in the face of adversity. Dweck's research has shown that people with a growth mindset are more likely to achieve success in school, work, and life. We all experience failure in some capacity in our lives.

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But it doesn't mean that we have to stay stuck in a rut of negativity. It's important to remember that failure can be looked at as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Reframe it by thinking about what you can learn from the situation and use it to guide you. A key part of lifelong learning is continuously updating your skillset, which not only keeps you relevant with current trends but also offers self-improvement possibilities. With continuous learning, failure becomes inevitable.

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Every time you try learning something new, you risk being a failure. This is why it is so important to conquer our failures if we want to continue learning and updating our skillset. Anyone who's ever tried to make a chocolate bar at home knows that it's not as easy as it looks. In fact, it took Milton Hershey years of experimentation before he finally perfected his chocolate-making process. And yet, despite all his early failures, Hershey went on to become one of the most successful businessmen of his generation.

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So how did he do it? For one thing, Hershey was never afraid to take risks. When he first started making chocolate, he was determined to find a way to mass produce his product. This required him to invest a great deal of money in new equipment and facilities. And while many other businessmen would have been content to stay small and play it safe, Hershey was willing to gamble everything on his vision.

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He was incredibly relentless in pursuit of his goals. He continued to learn and improve his skill set. After multiple failed attempts, most people would have given up on making chocolate altogether. But Hershey never gave up hope that he could find a way to make delicious, affordable chocolate for everyone. His tenacity ultimately paid off, and his legacy continues to this day.

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So next time you bite into a Hershey’s bar, remember the story of the man who made it all possible. Despite all the obstacles in his way, Milton Hershey never stopped believing in himself or his dreams. And that’s something we can all learn from. Elizabeth Day’s book How to Fail: Everything I’ve Learned from Things Going Wrong is a funny, relatable, and ultimately uplifting look at the value of failure. Day starts off by recounting her own failures, from flunking out of acting school to getting fired from her first job.

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and grow (Lattacher, Wdowiak,: 2020

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ward learning (Michou et al.,: 2014

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Now, let's move on to the five crucial steps, outlined by Dr. Theo Tsaousides, to conquer your failure. Steps to Conquer Your Failure Do you ever feel like you're not good enough? you're just not cut out for success? You might be suffering from a fear of failure. The fear of failure is a type of anxiety that can prevent us from taking risks and pursuing our learning goals.

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It can make us feel like we're not good enough or that we'll never be able to achieve our dreams. The good news is, you're not alone. The fear of failure is common, and it's something you can overcome. The first thing you have to do is: Redefine Failure as a Discrepancy Start by clearly defining what failure means to you. What does failure mean to you? Losing heart? pursuing your objectives? Not getting the intended result? getting results within the anticipated time frame? It’s important to think about this question and its subsequent answer since failure is the object of your fear and anxiety and the main obstacle holding you back.

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True failure is when a person is so afraid of failure that they won’t even try! As these quotes so beautifully put it: "It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default." –JK Rowling "Children have a lesson adults should learn, to not be ashamed of failing, but to get up and try again. Most of us adults are so afraid, so cautious, so 'safe,' and therefore so shrinking and rigid and afraid that it is why so many humans fail. Most middle-aged adults have resigned themselves to failure."

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–Malcolm X We all know what it feels like to fail. Whether it's a bad grade on a test, a missed opportunity, or something bigger, failure can sting. But what if we looked at failure differently? of seeing it as the end of the road, what if we saw it as simply a discrepancy between our expectations and reality? When we redefine failure in this way, it becomes much less daunting.

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After all, every day we experience discrepancies. It's just part of life. It is when we embrace this mindset that we learn to see failures as simply another step on the road to learning something extraordinary. So next time you face a setback, remember that it's not the end of the world. It's just a discrepancy, and you're one step closer to your goal.

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Distinguish between Real and Imagined Threats It can be tough to know whether a threat is real or imagined. Oftentimes our minds can play tricks on us, magnifying innocuous situations into full-blown scares. So how can you tell the difference between a real and imagined threat? Start by paying attention to your body's physical response. Are you sweating, shaking, or having trouble catching your breath?

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These are all signs that your body is preparing for fight-or-flight mode. If there's no clear reason for these symptoms, it's likely that you're experiencing anxiety or an imagined threat rather than a real threat. For example, somebody with a fear of public speaking might start to feel anxious weeks in advance about giving a presentation even though they haven't been asked to speak yet. Or somebody who's afraid of flying might avoid booking a vacation because they're worried about the plane ride. In these cases, the anxiety is disproportionate to the actual threat and there is little to no threat to your survival.

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On the other hand, if you decide to give a presentation in front of a pride of lions on that vacation you finally booked, then you probably should listen to your body’s fight-or-flight response, as the threat you are now facing is very real. The lions are not interested in the stats you are quoting; they only want to eat you. Failure fear by definition incorporates imagined dangers. The fear is real, but the threat isn't. For now, the threat is your prediction, a fantasy of how you think a situation is going to pan out.

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However, your fear isn't illogical or unjustified, just premature and unneeded. Analyze it and ask yourself whether the threat is based on fact or opinion. If you're unsure about something, it's always best to err on the side of caution and take a closer look. Additionally, there are plenty of ways to deal with anxiety, whether it's real or imagined. Talking to a therapist can be helpful in getting to the root of your anxiety and learning how to manage it.

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Exercises like yoga and meditation can also be calming, and sometimes all you need is a distraction; so go ahead and binge-watch that new show on Netflix! Whatever method you choose, don't let your fear stop you from learning and discovering something new. Create Promotion Rather than Prevention Goals Most of us are pretty good at setting goals for ourselves. Whether it's losing/gaining weight, quitting smoking, or working out more, we usually have a pretty good idea of what we want to achieve. However, when it comes to health and wellness, many of us default to "prevention" goals rather than "promotion" goals.

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ing, and creativity (Higgins,: 1997

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Moreover, sticking to promotion goals prevent stagnation in a particular position or a career or a learning path that can lead to boredom and potentially put a halt on progress. Developing an attitude of continuous growth toward learning not only sets you up for success in the workplace but encourages healthy personal development as well. One strategy for removing failure fear from the equation is to reframe prevention goals as promotion goals. So, the next time you catch yourself setting prevention goals such as “I hope I don’t lose my job” or “I don’t want my boyfriend to break up with me,” try to replace your thoughts with anticipating more positive outcomes rather than focusing on the negatives. Try setting some promotion goals instead: “I am going to work extra hard and aim for a promotion” or “I want to deepen my relationship with my boyfriend."

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Prevention goals are often created out of a fear of failure, which can distort our priorities, undermine our efforts, and dampen our learning efforts. Expect a Good Outcome but Do Not Become Attached to It Most of us are attached to something: our things, our relationships, our memories, the desired outcomes of our goals, etc. And while attachment isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can become problematic when we become too attached to something. When we're attached to an outcome, we're focused on the end result rather than the journey. We become fixated on what we want, and we lose sight of what's really important.

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We start seeing any form of deviation from our initially envisioned outcome as a failure. This can lead to frustration, disappointment, and even depression. So how do we avoid becoming too attached? key is to expect a good outcome but not to become attached to it. Have faith that things will work out, but don't put your entire happiness on the line.

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Start by re-evaluating and adjusting the outcomes you expected. For example, let's say your boss passed you up on that big promotion that you were so sure you were going to get. If you attach yourself to the outcome you expected (promotion), you will weave yourself into the dark web of discrepancies and convince yourself that you are obviously failing at life...which couldn’t be further from the truth! Be open, be flexible, and customize the outcome accordingly. Sometimes what you perceive as a failure is actually a blessing in disguise.

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This outcome was not desirable, but that doesn’t mean it cannot help you re-evaluate your life choices. You can start focusing on developing your ideas, double down on your efforts, and just enjoy the journey rather than worry about things outside of your control. Focus on what you can control, for that is the only thing that truly matters. To quote Taylor Swift, “Everything you lose is a step you take." And indeed, it is.

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Reevaluating and revising your goals can help you overcome your fear of failure. We should evaluate our success based on the amount of thought and effort we put in rather than the outcome. If we limit ourselves to the outcome, we will never be able to improve or develop our skill sets. You Are Strong and You Can Prevail Fear of failure is not motivated by the difficulties ahead or the work required. It is about the consequences of our failure.

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We are not terrified of the job we must perform, but of the remote possibility that our effort may not be good enough to produce results that meet our expectations. To further thwart the fear of failure, start by acknowledging and distinguishing the consequences of failure that you’re most afraid of. Then, discuss your ability to overcome those consequences. At this stage, it is important to build enough confidence to deal with the outcomes instead of taking yourself out altogether in fear of negative consequences. Here are some questions you can ponder the answers to: •Which of these outcomes/consequences scares you the most?

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effect will they have on you? they merely annoying or potentially fatal? Will they simply make you uncomfortable, or will they deeply and irreversibly harm you?

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rapidly will you progress? the impacts irreversible or reversible? Are they fleeting, or do they last forever?

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•How well can you deal with them? you exert damage control, or will you hide and vanish? I’ll illustrate this using my own life as an example. Whenever I dread an outcome, a consequence, a result, I take my notepad and write down my fears, my insecurities, and what I believe are my core strengths that will help me in overcoming this numbing feeling. Everyone experiences fear at some point in their lives.

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Whether it's fear of public speaking, fear of heights, or fear of failure, it's a normal and healthy emotion. However, when fear begins to interfere with our ability to live our lives, it becomes a problem. For me, the consequences of failing scare me the most. I'm afraid of not being good enough, of disappointing my family and friends, and of never reaching my full potential. However, I'm also aware that these are all risks that come with any venture.

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And while I can't control the outcome, I can control my own effort and attitude. So while the thought of failure still scares me, I know that I have the strength to overcome it. Finally, what makes us fearless is not the absence of fear, but the certainty that we can handle the consequences of our actions. That is what makes people fearless, and it may also help you overcome your fear of failure. Chapter Takeaways •Leaving your comfort zone and facing new challenges will sometimes guarantee failure. However, it is important to remember that every failure is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. Therefore, define failure as a discrepancy to help reframe your mindset. Start by looking at it as a discrepancy between your expectations and reality. Determine if the threat is real or imagined by evaluating your body's physical response.

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create promotion goals rather than prevention goals to stay focused on what's important. This development of a goal-oriented growth mindset toward learning not only prepares you for success in your chosen profession, but it also promotes healthy personal development. Expect a good outcome but do not become attached to it, so you can enjoy the journey. Have faith in the outcome, but don't put your entire happiness on the line.

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[Music] you've reached the end of another episode of the science of self connect with us at newtonmg.com and connect with the author at bitly Peter Hollins and don't forget while you're there to sign up for his newsletter and to receive some free materials we appreciate you joining us this week and we'll see you next Thursday foreign [Music]